"You Want It When, Bitch?"
A few weeks ago, I detached my grip from the withered corporate lingam to which I had been clinging. For 7 inertial years, I had gorged my abdomen like a tick upon the saccharine sap that coursed down its necrotic shaft. But a messenger's breeze carried nature's aroma to my nostrils; the notes of her fragrance relaxed my anxious arms, and slowly, and then with gathering speed, I slid down to *PLOP* on the warm earth. Here I find that I ambulate well enough. A forest of opportunity awaits; between the trees, open space & beyond, distant mountains.
One of the thrills of this separation was giving away my collection of chotchkies I've accumulated over the years. I also had to decide who would be the recipient of the totemic Xena doll, which was bequeathed to me by a dear friend who worked in another area of our phallus (on the underside of the ball-sac, Vas Deferens divison). For many months Xena had kept watch over my shoulder, her broadsword raised in her mighty clenched plastic fist, her projectile bosoms bursting manfully beneath her moulded breastplate. She'd been a strong companion, a familiar to keep me calm as the pointless busywork piled up and people rushed in to trouble me with random unnecessary urgencies.
How strange that androgyny should be more empowering than cock, under such circumstances? But on another level, it made sense - had there been a G.I. Joe in her place, or a bare-chested Wrestlemania doll, the telepathic voice I would hear would be not Xena's: "Function with pride and know that this unreality does not rate your noblest attentions" but "Do it NOW punk! Drop and give me 20!" and "Be a man, bitch!"
Every employee deserves to be the alpha dog of their own workstation fantasies. So Xena was the ideal wingwoman.
Of course, what I really wanted was to glue a floppy dildo on my PC with my name and title hung about its neck, and have a ceremony in which all execs would process by and minister to it with fragrant oils and chrism. Come to think of it, this is rather tame.. Now that I'm liberated from the evil Dick, I could imagine more inspiring tableauxs, roaming the forest floor with my own Cock in tow.